Trying so hard

Sometimes I wonder if I can keep up being this way. I'm so tired of pretending to be tough and strong just to make sure everything is in place. Deep inside me, I almost crashed, shattered and blown to pieces. Almost everything of what I'm dream of seems to fade away.

"Aku penat la nk wat die gembira. Everytime pun mesti ade sumthing kat mind die yg pikir bende2 negatif. Last2, bende tu akan wat die down and unhappy. Pastu aku kene la mesej die, kol die and slalu jumpe die just to make sure she's okay. But in the middle of that, I had torn myself deeply and almost every move I made, added more pain to it. Because it seems to me, I'm the only one who trying so hard here...haih..Knape la xleh diorg paham...(sigh)..."

I have exam to be worried about. Maybe if I focus more on my studies, it'll make me forget this mess for awhile..

thats all..

Messy around

Did I ever get mad at someone really really mad??
No, I don't think so.
I rather keep it to myself than have to go rampage.
Just don't feel like arguing. What the heck is wrong with this world??
Must I get angry?? Its so obvious that you cannot fight fire with fire.

"pape la..xde mood la skg.."

thats all..

Things work this way

Haven't you heard??
I think I'm beginning to understand why this thing keep happening to me. I mean the problem that coming at me seems forever.

"Whenever I found some glimpse of sunshine from far away, I ran towards it with everything I had. Sometimes I stumble and I fall. Yet I kept running with hope that I will reach that light.

But everything turns out to be different. Its starting to get cloudy and then there's come rains. Its getting heavier and I have to stop. There is no point of chasing something I can't see.

Then when I have give up on chasing the light, the rain stop pouring. Slowly, the clouds move away and another glimpse of light touch my face. This time it brings with it a beautiful rainbow as a gift. And once again, I chase the light with everything I got."

thats all...

Trying to understand

A question about my relation.

"Weh, kte kawan kan?"

I just can't say yes to it. For me, its more than that.

"Its you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.."
- Lifehouse

thats all..

Less sleep

Lately it seems to me that all my works almost due. I rushed to finish up everything within this week. From literature assignment until the hactic Lab works. Every works wears me down because I have to stay up late to finish every single details of it. So damn tired right now.

Motivation is one heck thing I need now. I want to start studying as soon as possible - after I finish all my assignment. Maybe I should study with someone. Who would do?? Exam just around the corner.

thats all..

Numb again

Am I the only person feeling this??
Somebody said something that reminds me of the mistake I've done back then. Mistake that hurts me for some times and for that reason I promised not to do that mistake again. But right now, it seems to me that I've been in the same spot where I'll repeat the same mistake. I don't want this thing to happen. What should I do to make it different this time??


"Ko jgn wat keje gile,bai. Ko blom pun dapat die lagi.." - Faiz

thats all...

I am Mr. Right

Its been so hactic lately and I've been busy with so many assignments and works. But I never forget to ask about her days and how's she doing. I really hope I am the person she wanted to be with.

I slept so late and I woke up too early.

thats all..

What am I thinking??!!

What if the thing you believe to be the truth is all a lie??
What if the thing that seems like a lie are all the truth??


Why do I bother at all??
Hermmm...I can't put myself at ease right now..
I got to find out the truth..

counting days ~ 5

Today I wrote a letter that never get posted...
Its a memoirs of the time I spent waiting for her from far away..
I spent hours to find a piece of paper.
Then another hour to find a pen.
Then it takes another two hours to find the right words.
Finally I end up with this short letter and I hope she would read it...

"Dear An,

If you read this that means I'm still here waiting. Even if you forgot to read this, I'm still here waiting.
And if ever happened that you cannot read anymore.... I just want you to know that I'm still here waiting.
Coz I never get tired of waiting for you!

- Your Prince -

counting days ~ 4

Don't know what to say. Just reminding myself to cherish this feeling.

"Feeling everyday its all the same,
bringing me down but I'm the one to blame,
Over and over, I fall for you..."
- Three Days Grace

thats all..

Love story

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's 2 scary!
Guy : Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slow down now! Please!

(in the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of a brake failure.
Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived .

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

thats all..

counting days ~ 3

So motivated yet so much missing her..

As for hours that passed by, I held on tight to your words because I know that you feel the same for me.

thats all..

counting days ~ 2

Its a phase where you learn to it let go for awhile and move on with your life. Not because you wanted it but it just whats life is all about.

"Sometimes you're helpless and alone,
but don't let it kept you weighted down,
you must go on."
- the ataris.

Counting days ~ 1

You always thought that I was stronger.." - Secondhand Serenade

Sometimes what most difficult to get is what we tresured the most.
I hate it when I am down like this.

that all..

How deep is our feeling??

Last night we had a talk because it seems to me that we both had the same problem. I can't let her go and she don't wanna leave me.
We spend hours together talking about our feelings. We never really had enough time together. Even when we stay for hours, I just didn't feel like going home..I wanted to stay with her (forever)..

She had to leave for a week. She flew home this evening to settle some documentation problems. I just hope everything gonna be fine with her. It'll be a hell of a week before she come back. I have to be strong...

"Try to take a picture of love,
Didn't think I missed her that much,
I want to fill this new frame,
But its empty.."
The Click Five

thats all...

Annual grand meeting

Its so suffocating and exhaustly drain mental. Thats what I can say to describe what really happened. Even the senior we used to laugh together with became really serius when it came to responsibility in this organization. I was so afraid to have to take this job but I try to do what I can do.

Start before 10 a.m. and end up after 6 p.m. in the evening. So damn tired, hungry after that. Need to rest a bit.

thats all...

Its all about trust

Sometimes we make mistakes and give excuse instead of saying sorry. But we never realize that when we do that actually something really important slowly fade away. Something really precious that we called "TRUST".

I heard rumours that struck my heart. But its just something anyone would say when they don't like the truth. I seen it with my own eyes, I heard it with my own ears and I intepretted it with my own wisdom. Thanks to that, I able to recognize what's wrong and what's right.

So, I have decided to trust my own instinct instead of what people said.

"Aku tak hidup kerana pujian, dan aku tak mati kerana kejian."

thats all...

Lucky man

I went out with An..~
I think she was marvelous. She's gorgeous in every way and she's very beautiful. Even though I talked very much but all that slipped from my tongue were just craps. I wanted to be serious next time. I want to say how much she means to me. I want her to know how much I love her. Its a promise..

I played futsal with my fren..~
I weared full attire to show my support. I never thought they would made a suprise party after that. Thats why I like them very much..Thanks my friends!!

on going~

My new haircut is the same as last time but just a bit shorter. After a month it'll grow up the way I wanted.


Relation on going!!!
I know even if I'm not that prepare but I want to give it a try - with all my heart!
I'm very happy right now!!!


"because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
over again, don't make me change my mind,
or I won't live to see another day, I swear its true,
because a girl like you is impossible to find,
you're impossible to find..."
- Secondhand Serenade


If you had any problem, try solved it together. Maybe something that you didn’t talk about is what really brings you down. It doesn’t hurt to say I’m sorry or please forgive me. In the end, its the most promising word that can cure everything.

Sometime rumours spread around, tearing apart loves and happiness. Your every action haunted you back and it stab right in your heart when the rumours get to you. Its tearing me deep inside and now I can’t even sleep knowing my love one hurts because of that rumours.

“I swear to clear the air as soon as possible. It hurts me to my deepest feeling.”

thats all....

I'm confused

Its just like what my friends said, "macam budak-budak la"..

I hope I'm right. Its difficult to make decision at this moment. I'm kindda confused...

thats all...

love song for no one

:: Don't ever underesimate the power of "I like that"...
:: Sometimes it is the most powerful word there is..

thats all...

a kid and an ice cream

Have you heard a story of little kid with an ice cream?
There's a kid with an ice cream. The kid wanted to show everyone that he had an ice cream and very proud of it. He waited for a right moment to taste it but he holds it for too long and it melts on his hand. The kid haven't taste it yet. In the end, he cried all by himself because he lost his ice cream and can never get it back.

Then came his mother and gave him another ice cream. This time the kid had learned from his mistake. He grabbed the ice cream and give it a lick. The taste that he felt in his mouth made him forget all the sadness that he had when he lost the first ice cream. After he finished the ice cream, he walks home with a smile on his face and in his mind he kept thinking how good the ice cream was.

:: I wonder if I ever learned from my mistake...

thats all...

A pencil

Once, there was a pencil made out of Cinnamon wood. It was fine carved by the most famous artist of that time. The pencil was known widely just after it was made.

Soon, everyone began to take interest for this pencil. People from all around the world came to see how magnificient this little pencil is. Everyone was marvelled by the beauty of it. The artist that made the pencil received offers from simple farmer until rich Land Lord to sold it over. But none of the offers interest him. He said to each person who seek to buy it, "This pencil has it own choice. It will choose its owner later."

The next day, the artist woke up in the morning and realized he had misplaced the pencil. He began the search. He looked for it under the mattress, he looked on the cupboard, and he even looked into his own bathroom but to no avail. Every part of his house had been looked into but nothing was found.

By noon, people start to come and ask about the pencil. The artist can't stop worrying if anyone might know what happened. At last, he said to the people, "I'm afraid the pencil had already chose its owner. I'm sure it have picked the right owner for everyone happiness. It has left us with many memory and amazement. So, I hope everyone will satisfied with its decision and respect its will."

People who heard the news sighed and left the house. Soon, the house empty as before and the artist sat on the chair wondering what could happen to the pencil. Days passed by and the whole world already forget about the pencil.

The pencil which once being crowned by everyone's heart now just nothing but a history that no one would remember. Only the artist sat in his old days grieving about the lost.

:: Its a story that I made just to make sure I still a modest and humble person. I can't wish anything more than what I have now. I love my family, my friends, my life, my love-one and my self...::

thats all..

counting days~3

I can't stand it anymore. Its too hard to keep.I kept saying her name every time I miss her..

counting days~4

Its what I decided even if its hurt the most...
I feel really weird right now..
I'm not myself anymore..

counting days~5

Damn! I feel really bad right now. I just don't know what to do...

thats all..

I need you

Baby, I'm sorry if I can't get to your expectations. But I tried my best to be the best man in your life. Just give me more time and I'll show you the person I can be.

Being a dentist

This morning my super senior flew home, taking with him the title "Doctor".I is so honourable and graceful. Last Sunday, we had a dinner with him. The whole batch join in and I feel really great to be able to celebrate it even though it was just a simple dinner..

Graduating from University is a very meaningful moment in one life. But that doesn't mean you already done with learning. Its just a big step into a working life.You will learn more about life and experience in a new situations that need your skills and judgement. Its a lot more difficult than you imagine as you have to be responsible for every work you that you've done.

Having a family add ups to your burden. But as you grow older and mature, these things that you learn in your life will make it all seems worth. I'm beginning to wonder how will I end up to be??

thats all..

Spell it out

I just realize sometimes I did worry about my future very much that I always put myself in someone elses shoes. What if I end up like them? What if the same things happened to me? What would I do then?

"The future is still unknown, the past had become history, but today are yours to decide.."

thats all..

Have you decide yet??

"There are two things that kept me hanging on- a kiss, and a hug."

If you've been told to choose between two cakes, one is your favourite flavour with beautiful decorations and another one just a plain cake – you have to eat both– which one you will eat first??
- I hadn't been able decide yet.

I wanted to save the best for the last. But I also want my favourite flavour in my mouth first.
Its like watching a movie that have a slow start but ends in a very mesmerized closure. But having a glorious start would certainly help even if the ending just an average closure. So what will it be??

thats all..