I'm restless when I'm home..*sigh
I thought I could get some rest but things just won't work out the way I always wanted..
I went to PD as my dad asked me to drive him there..
I took some picz just to kill time..ahaks~

Helping myself on he bed..very comfy..huhu~

Room where I stay..just for a couple of hours actually...

My dad...he didn't pay me yet! he promised..

So damn tired after a long chauffeur job..huh..

home sweat home

Its good to be home again!
Everything changed since last time I was home. We moved back into our old house in Sg. Buloh. But some renovation seems underway. I arrived safely with Mamut and we had our lunch at makan kfc msia.huhu...

Hactic as always..
I thought I can have some rest when I got home..but instead of comfy bed, I end up in front seat of my car! My dad asked me to drive here and there..
so much to tell....
maybe later..

thats all..

Going home

Can't wait to see my family..wuhoo0!!

"Banyak bende nk kene wat balik nih..kad atm aku patah lak ari tu...balik ni nk kene trus wat kad baru..pastu nk bayar yuran...wallet pn nk kene carik baru..
then kene cari gigi utk lab...byk bende nk kene kemas lagi sbnr nye...

pastu utk org yg xbalik msia pun kene bwk sumthing..sian diorg duk negara org lama2...mesti rindu masakan msia...nnt aku bwk la sumthing...
pastu nk bwk gift utk An lak...die stress berat lagi skg nih...sian lak kat die...
yang aku leh wat pg td pun breakfast utk die jek...hermm...hope la die cpt2 ok...

balik nih nk tgk muvi2 yg dah kuar...nk ajak sape ek nnt? erm..sob,pijah,ibal,apar,alan,ramai lagi la...huhu...x saba nye..."

thats all...

aku tak main-main

Adoii..aku dah xtau nk watpe dah...
tekanan perasaan btol aku skg...
mende la yg An stress sgt nih???

Dah 2 ari stret dia x balas msg aku..ble aku ym jek die trus offline..aku kol pun die xnk angkat...aih...marah nampak...mende salah aku nih?

baru je nk wat suprise tuk die,tp trus rase down ble die wat aku cmni...adoii..
nk kate period, baru je 2 mggu lps abis...result die xbgs kot, kene remedial...ntah la...aku tnye asik xnk layan jek...

hermm...nk wat pe lg ek??

my head!!


"Berat nye rase pale nih...adeih...perut pun dah 3 hari wat hal...damn la...salah makan ke?..adoii...smlm xde la tdo lmbt...tdo pkl 1 tu kre bese lps bgn pagi nih rase mcm pnat sgt lak...rase mcm baru lps men futsal je...tambah lak dgn pale nih makin berat lak rase...sebu jek...

bgn2 jek tgk jam dah pkl 9.30....adeih...lambatnye bgn...subuh telepas...prut lapa...pale sakit...exam x ready pape pn lagi...huhu~..nak nangis je rase...apsal ari ni camni haa??!!...adekah aku tdo dgn sgt stress smlm??!!"

my words

To Bibie:
Esok ak de ak nk mintak maaf byk2 kt ko.smua salah silap,salah pegang, salah cakap,salah pujuk. Sorry sgt2. n Thanx sudi kuar dgn ak b4 dis.thanx 4 letting me hold ur hand.thanx 4 evry time that u think of me.thanx 4 letting me fall 4 u..klu dgn membenci aku leh wat ko hepi..biar la ak dibenci selama nya..aku ttp care kt ko..xkesah la..asal ko hepi..." -end of sms-

its not me!!!it can' be...*gasp*(OMG!!!...IT IS ME!!!..)
ohh..what the heck..i'm used to be mat jiwang anyway...i just end up losing the feel of being one right now...not interested anymore...maybe Romantic is the right word..

nope. she didn't hate me..
she's just having some problems...yup..she stressed up..
nk kene pujuk die setiap kali pun cmni gak...besenye dari pagi bad mood, petang baru die xtau la plak nnt smpi berminggu-minggu ke..aiyokk...jgn la jadi cmtu..
but that's my life...must get used to it..huhu~

thats all...

again and again

I'm getting quite a headache right now.

I'm being loved for one second..then I'm being hate.

Next, I felt being loved again..but just a moment then the feeling turn away..

Its happened again and again..

I'm getting sicked and tired of these feelings...

Ohh God...I wish I'd never fall for anyone in the first place~

Alien save the earth??

Keanu Reeves had leaved a remarkable impression from The Matrix and its sequel. But this time the story board of this movie give him a downgrade. Such a pity for a big commercial movie, the story are not as great as anyone would expected. Trust me. I've watched it.

The ending just so lame..

thats all...

thought from the past

I went through my entry lately and I found many things had changed. I learned many things and gained some experiences along way. Some of the entry caught my attention..

"Sering kali di dalam hidup,setiap orang akan merasai kejatuhan, hati hancur, ataupun dihina. Hinggakan suatu ketika kita akan merasa diri kita tidak berguna langsung." "Tapi walau apa pun yang telah terjadi, ataupun yang akan terjadi, anda tidak akan hilang harga diri. Bersih atau kotor,renyuk atau licin, anda tetap berharga terutama pada mereka yang disayangi." "Harga diri kita bukan datang daripada apa yang kita lakukan atau siapa yang kita kenal tapi SIAPA SEBENARNYA KITA..." jelas Prof Ibrahim. - novel kak mulia

thats all..

Pray to god

I called my mum yesterday. She told me that everything we do we might get wrong but God never do. So ask God for help before we start doing something. Recite Quran everyday and never ignore prayer. That is the way I live and grow with it.

Sometimes its hard to explain things just because they are complicated. But take your time and do it right. No one knows if the result might be more than you expected.

As we grow up, we learn to reason with things. We made wrong decision once in awhile and can't turn back around. But learn from that mistake. Never do it twice.

just reminding myself where to start...

thats all..

expected no more

Its hard to endure this feeling for so long. Sometimes I imagine things I can make with her. But the truth is, I can never expect anything from her. Almost everything that we've done together, I've had to put double effort for it. If I ever expected anything from her it'll hurt me more..

Things that turn me down:
- she forgot my birthday..* could she...
- every time I ask her out, she'll hardly say yes..
- when I want something from her, she'll say "No"..after awhile then she'll say "Yes"..why??
- I called her everyday but when I didn't call, she never bother to call back..
- I try to make this thing works, but what is she doing??
ARGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! tension sial...


But she did something that bright my day:
- she called me "dear" every time we message..
- she asked me to follow her shopping sometimes...
- she wish me gud luck before every exam..
The best part of it...She loves me~

for that reason, I hold on to this string tightly, hoping that she would make everything better by time...who knows~

waiting forever

How much longer do I have to wait??

Where are you my dear??

I wish she would call me now..or even BUZZ me..or just an SMS would do enough..but what heck I'm doing right now?? I keep waiting and waiting but nothing cross my screen..*sigh..

An dear, please call me...I really need to hear your voice right now..(T_T)

::i missed An..

turning point

"There's a story about a little boy. This boy had seen her mother baked a cake one day. Its look really delicious with creamy topping and strawberry on top of it. The boy sneaked into the kitchen to take a bit of the cake.
But he had to be very quiet so that his mother didn't know. He crawled under the table, tip toed on the ragged mattress, stumbled by the pail, tripped onto cat and so much obstacles.

Finally he reached right in front of the cake. Can't wait any longer, he dipped his finger into the cake and put it in his mouth. To his shock, the cake was not as he expected. Its far worse than anything he had eat before.
The cake taste like mushroom and beans and none of the flavor were any near what he imagined. A few minutes later, he got stomachache and its very painful. He screamed and wailed because he can no longer endure the pain.

The next day, he saw another beautifully decorated cake and got attracted to it quickly. He came near it and smelled it. He desired the cake very much. But he scared something might happen just like last time.
He knew that he can get the cake but never will he taste it..But who knows if he had the courage one day.."

thats all..

My angel in the night

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
Will I ever be by your side

Your hair is dancing in the wind
Your eyes are burning off my skin
And I'm so happy when I see
That you are smiling back at me

You're living burn marks on the ground
Thank you God for what I've found
I don't know how, I don't know why
That you're my angel in the night

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
Let me hold you now
Just like days before you start to cry

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
Will I ever be by your side

I try my best to satisfy
But all you do is where we make it right
I don't know what I'm gonna do
But I'm so crazy about you

Even if I don't know where to start
Even if my love is tearing me apart
I just know that you and me
We were always meant to be

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
Let me hold you now
Just like days before you stopped to cry

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
Will I ever be by your side

You're my angel in the night

pokemon parody~

just for fun~ LOL~

Exam is here!!

I can't believe its already here. Feels like just yesterday I registered for this semester and now I'm here struggling for final. Uhue~

I rode my bike around this evening just wasting some time. The weather was perfect. The sky was clear and beautiful. I felt relieve just looking at the sky. The wind that touched my face breeze away all the stress and I felt so refreshing. The noises around me seems fade away all of a sudden. Ahh~

thats all..

Eid - Month of sacrifice

I remembered last time I went home to celebrate Eid Mubarak with my family. Its still fresh in my memory like it just yesterday.

My lil bro n sis..I miss playing with them.

Chatting dgn Tok Long Musa..that moment I was eating nasi impit dgn rendang daging.

WiF my lil bro..harap2 la die besar nnt lagi pandai dan bijak dari aku nih..

WiF my fren..dak kenit and dak katik..dah la xdapat gi majlis raye..last2 mkn paim je..hahaha..what a memory.

but now, I'm right here struggling for final exam tomorrow. Its a big exam for me because I've been downgraded for two straight semester. This time I will make a change to it. I hope so.

getting fired up

Yesterday was really tiring but it feels worthy. I had Pedo paper that morning. After that I went home to get my lab jurnal which I forgot to bring. Nisha followed me home. We should be in class at that time but we stucked by traffic jamm and nothing we can do about it. We decided to eat as we are starving to death.

I went to get my bike serviced and it takes only an hour as there no one there to queue. When everything done, I dash home quickly because I felt really sleepy. I need some rest. I woke up after that just to get news that my housemate already booked a court to play futsal at 6. I don't know if I should go but I played anyway because there was no other available person they could get.

Just when we ended the futsal game, I went dinner at Paim. Then stick around house 23 to kill time. Julu already booked futsal court at 11 and they're shorts on players. I promised to come though its gonna be really tiring game. Its ended up with goals. Lots of goals.

Now I can't get any sleep because I'm already pumped up by caffeine which I should not take in the first place...*sigh...

::I missed An..

thats all..

Get married??

I’ve been thinking about my future for sometimes. Things about marriage and life after that.

“Nanti dah grade trus keje..sebab klu nk kawin kene kumpul duit atleast RM 10k utk hantaran dgn kenduri kawin...tunang je pun dah brape dah...klu nk jimat kene la pakai moto dulu...duk dgn parent ke..klu kene posting jauh, duk kat flat je la kot..mmg jimat abis la..
kalau berjimat btol leh la save RM 10k.

Other option, nanti dah grade, keje jap stahun pastu trus wat Master...pastu stat keje dah dpt gaji tinggi...klu kawin trus pas abis Master pun xde la kabut sgt...kre membantu gak la..leh la klu nk pakai kete besa mase tu..beli umah ke...tapi lambat la nak tunggu...maybe dah kawin dah kot time amik Master tu...Ntah la...”

After marriage, there should be:
- Cari umah nak duduk
- Kete
- Perabot dan peralatan umah
- adik bradik or ipar2 mintak tolong/pinjam mcm2
- parent n mentua mintak duit every month
- parent nak timang cucu cepat2
- Balik kampung
- Hutang keliling pinggang

thats all...

Square root of three

"I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed"

- Harold and Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay

Lacking study

PMR : 9 A
SPM : 4 A 8 B
Matrix : 3.45


I'm just average. Am I becoming stupid-er or dumb-er??
I think I missed something very *Important*. Maybe :

--> tak jaga amalan.(byk silap kat sini kot)
--> tak jaga semayang.
(ntah nk jadik ntah)
--> banyak sgt dosa.
(ni mmg dah kompem dah..)
--> byk kutuk org
(esp dosen)
--> byk tido yg lebey2.
--> malas bace buku.
(bace komik rajin lak)
--> study last minit.
(tu la psl..)
--> tak cukup nota
(lambat sgt carik..)
--> suka berangan
(xdpt den nk nolong eh..)
--> asyik men gitar.
(buang mase gle..)
--> asyik tgk tv.
(xde bende best pun sbnrnye..)
--> wat entry kat blog..
--> byk buang mase atas moto.
(jalan2 je paim pun kre same la tu..)
--> begayut kat tepon.
(ntah sape ntah yg aku kol pn aku xtau..)
--> Layan feeling lebey.
(ni tahap jiwang abis la ni..adeih..)

Ohh..banyak nye yg perlu aku ubah..*haih*

thats all..

TAGGED - sara, faiz, julu, din, mira..huhu

Sakinah tagged it is..

* RULE #1 - People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any 1 questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.....

* RULE #2 - Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by and continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Forget her. Look for someone else. F**k her btw.

2. Do you like tags?
Not sure. Kinda killing my time.haha.

3. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Rich! ha3..lovely wife also..

4. Whose butt would you like to kick?
don't no. never hate anyone. maybe Sara's would do..ha3

5. What would you do with a billion dollars?
Mansion. Luxury cars. Personal plane. Went around the world. Help poor people.

6. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
Maybe.but no hell I'm gonna take a chance..

7. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Loving someone makes me a me. Being loved made me scared. ha3..don't no why.

8. Are you gorgeous?
I'm not handsome. I'm gorgeous.LOL

9. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Like some other girls. I'm gorgeous maa..ha3.

10. What do you pray each day for your loved one?
Love me always. Never cheated ever.

11. What takes you down the fastest?
Losing someone precious.

12. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
On the top of the world. Success maa..

13. Why do you think you are so tensed matter at the office..or at home or in your toilet??
Orang xnak layan lawak aku..mesti la mara..ha3.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
Rich and married. Kawin itu sunah nabi.

16. Who would you like to see the moment you wake up?
Sape2 selain malaikat mungkar nangkir.

17. What’s the character must have in your partner?
Suke jalan2 nek moto..

18. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
The prettier la ofcoz..and the one I love the most..

19. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
Forgive but never forget.

20. Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
Single is good. Couple complete me..hu3.

21. Would you leave your family behind just to chase your dreams?
Ah..hell no.I'm a family guy lah..

Tagged :

1. Sara
2. Faiz
3. Din
4. Julu
5. mira

Another swing

Hold it tight and never let it go. That's just what everybody said when they already found "the-right-one". But there's always a time when you reach the line where there is no more words that can describe love. At that point, all of the feelings turn upside down and you started to wonder if all your feeling was real. When that happened, you should listen to your heart and look into the moment you shared together. Moments you were kissing, hugging, hanging out, making love and how sync you are for each other. Trust me. It'll work.

"Its building a bridge of chance for your love." - My sassy girl

Miss her deeply

I dream of her in my sleep. I tried to called her but she seems far away. I sceamed for her but she just kept getting far.

Then I woke up and I hardly hold my tears. Now I know how it feels to miss someone deeply. I miss her very much..and I barely breathing..

Cupid arrows

1. The arrow sails right through: The result is falling madly in love, albeit briefly, with the first person you see. This can be quite embarrassing in the short term as running up to someone on the street, shouting "I love you!" and grabbing a boob or a crotch is generally frowned upon. However this causes no long term damage to the heart.

2. The arrow glances the heart and cuts it: This is initially very painful. The heart becomes very tender and leads to drunken whining along the lines of "Why don't you love me?" *Sob*. Fortunately the affect usually wears off by morning.

3. The arrow hits the heart but bounces off, leaving a bruise: This is a simple Do-you-want-to-go-out-sometime?-No-thanks situation, rather than a Do-you-want-to-go-out-sometime?-Ewww-you-make-me-want-to-shove-my-fingers-down-my-throat-I-have-to-go-take-several-showers-to-get-rid-of-the-grossness-of-being-asked-out-by-you! type scenario. Again there is no long term damage, but you should take care with the heart for a while, because it will be a bit sore.

4. The arrow digs in, but snaps off leaving a fragment in the heart: This can be quite nasty. This happens when you ask someone out and they say yes, but rapidly lose interest. Ultimately it doesn't cause too much damage, but it's a bit annoying.

5. The arrow tears a chunk off the heart: The hole means that you are susceptible to developing huge crushes based on physical infatuation. If dealt with correctly this isn't a problem, it only becomes so if you leave the wound open to the elements. Most cases of stalking are a result of carelessness in this area.

6. The heart gets mangled: This happens during messy break ups. In this case Cupid got the shot right, unfortunately your chosen love decides to pull the arrow out with the delicacy of an elephant doing decoupage. This causes mass tissue damage and the heart struggles to survive. It's all kinds of painful.

7. Critical Fault: This is the worst. Cupid again is right on target, but unfortunately the arrow snags on something and is yanked out through the top causing a crack. It's circumstances beyond Cupid's your or anyone else control – it's just a bitch. If not treated carefully the heart can break in two and become completely useless. The common response to this eventuality is to go "ow! ow! ow-ee! ow-ee! ow!

thats all..

Cupid story

Cupid never actually graduated from Love School; he failed his archery exam because he was such a terrible shot. In spite of this he has gone on to become the most successful person to have attended the school.

For true love to occur, one of Cupid's arrows needs to pierce our heart directly. The closer to the centre the better.

Cupids arrows are dipped in love juice, this disperses into the heart making the person all sappy. The love juice is made from:

* Melted down romantic films. The quality of the film affects the love's chance off success. Should it be something fun and funky such as the Wedding Singer the relationship has every chance. However if the film was some god awful tripe featuring Julia Stiles then it is doomed from the very beginning.

* Awww juice. This is created every time someone saws "awww" because of Cutesy Wutesy Kittens, Fluffy Wuffy Bunny Wabbits or Sweet and Cute and Ickle (sic) Ducklings.

* Mushed up Flower Petals. Cupid uses sweatshop workers to stomp on them and give them the correct texture.

thats all..

Trying so hard

Sometimes I wonder if I can keep up being this way. I'm so tired of pretending to be tough and strong just to make sure everything is in place. Deep inside me, I almost crashed, shattered and blown to pieces. Almost everything of what I'm dream of seems to fade away.

"Aku penat la nk wat die gembira. Everytime pun mesti ade sumthing kat mind die yg pikir bende2 negatif. Last2, bende tu akan wat die down and unhappy. Pastu aku kene la mesej die, kol die and slalu jumpe die just to make sure she's okay. But in the middle of that, I had torn myself deeply and almost every move I made, added more pain to it. Because it seems to me, I'm the only one who trying so hard here...haih..Knape la xleh diorg paham...(sigh)..."

I have exam to be worried about. Maybe if I focus more on my studies, it'll make me forget this mess for awhile..

thats all..

Messy around

Did I ever get mad at someone really really mad??
No, I don't think so.
I rather keep it to myself than have to go rampage.
Just don't feel like arguing. What the heck is wrong with this world??
Must I get angry?? Its so obvious that you cannot fight fire with fire.

"pape la..xde mood la skg.."

thats all..

Things work this way

Haven't you heard??
I think I'm beginning to understand why this thing keep happening to me. I mean the problem that coming at me seems forever.

"Whenever I found some glimpse of sunshine from far away, I ran towards it with everything I had. Sometimes I stumble and I fall. Yet I kept running with hope that I will reach that light.

But everything turns out to be different. Its starting to get cloudy and then there's come rains. Its getting heavier and I have to stop. There is no point of chasing something I can't see.

Then when I have give up on chasing the light, the rain stop pouring. Slowly, the clouds move away and another glimpse of light touch my face. This time it brings with it a beautiful rainbow as a gift. And once again, I chase the light with everything I got."

thats all...

Trying to understand

A question about my relation.

"Weh, kte kawan kan?"

I just can't say yes to it. For me, its more than that.

"Its you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why,
I can't keep my eyes off of you.."
- Lifehouse

thats all..

Less sleep

Lately it seems to me that all my works almost due. I rushed to finish up everything within this week. From literature assignment until the hactic Lab works. Every works wears me down because I have to stay up late to finish every single details of it. So damn tired right now.

Motivation is one heck thing I need now. I want to start studying as soon as possible - after I finish all my assignment. Maybe I should study with someone. Who would do?? Exam just around the corner.

thats all..

Numb again

Am I the only person feeling this??
Somebody said something that reminds me of the mistake I've done back then. Mistake that hurts me for some times and for that reason I promised not to do that mistake again. But right now, it seems to me that I've been in the same spot where I'll repeat the same mistake. I don't want this thing to happen. What should I do to make it different this time??


"Ko jgn wat keje gile,bai. Ko blom pun dapat die lagi.." - Faiz

thats all...

I am Mr. Right

Its been so hactic lately and I've been busy with so many assignments and works. But I never forget to ask about her days and how's she doing. I really hope I am the person she wanted to be with.

I slept so late and I woke up too early.

thats all..

What am I thinking??!!

What if the thing you believe to be the truth is all a lie??
What if the thing that seems like a lie are all the truth??


Why do I bother at all??
Hermmm...I can't put myself at ease right now..
I got to find out the truth..

counting days ~ 5

Today I wrote a letter that never get posted...
Its a memoirs of the time I spent waiting for her from far away..
I spent hours to find a piece of paper.
Then another hour to find a pen.
Then it takes another two hours to find the right words.
Finally I end up with this short letter and I hope she would read it...

"Dear An,

If you read this that means I'm still here waiting. Even if you forgot to read this, I'm still here waiting.
And if ever happened that you cannot read anymore.... I just want you to know that I'm still here waiting.
Coz I never get tired of waiting for you!

- Your Prince -

counting days ~ 4

Don't know what to say. Just reminding myself to cherish this feeling.

"Feeling everyday its all the same,
bringing me down but I'm the one to blame,
Over and over, I fall for you..."
- Three Days Grace

thats all..

Love story

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not. Please it's 2 scary!
Guy : Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl : *hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off and put it on yourself? It's bugging me.
Girl: Alright, now slow down
Guy: I love you babe
Girl: I love you too, please just slow down now! Please!

(in the paper the next day):

A motorcycle had crashed into a building because of a brake failure.
Two people were on it, but only 1 had survived .

The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him and felt her hug one last time, then he had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

thats all..

counting days ~ 3

So motivated yet so much missing her..

As for hours that passed by, I held on tight to your words because I know that you feel the same for me.

thats all..

counting days ~ 2

Its a phase where you learn to it let go for awhile and move on with your life. Not because you wanted it but it just whats life is all about.

"Sometimes you're helpless and alone,
but don't let it kept you weighted down,
you must go on."
- the ataris.

Counting days ~ 1

You always thought that I was stronger.." - Secondhand Serenade

Sometimes what most difficult to get is what we tresured the most.
I hate it when I am down like this.

that all..

How deep is our feeling??

Last night we had a talk because it seems to me that we both had the same problem. I can't let her go and she don't wanna leave me.
We spend hours together talking about our feelings. We never really had enough time together. Even when we stay for hours, I just didn't feel like going home..I wanted to stay with her (forever)..

She had to leave for a week. She flew home this evening to settle some documentation problems. I just hope everything gonna be fine with her. It'll be a hell of a week before she come back. I have to be strong...

"Try to take a picture of love,
Didn't think I missed her that much,
I want to fill this new frame,
But its empty.."
The Click Five

thats all...

Annual grand meeting

Its so suffocating and exhaustly drain mental. Thats what I can say to describe what really happened. Even the senior we used to laugh together with became really serius when it came to responsibility in this organization. I was so afraid to have to take this job but I try to do what I can do.

Start before 10 a.m. and end up after 6 p.m. in the evening. So damn tired, hungry after that. Need to rest a bit.

thats all...

Its all about trust

Sometimes we make mistakes and give excuse instead of saying sorry. But we never realize that when we do that actually something really important slowly fade away. Something really precious that we called "TRUST".

I heard rumours that struck my heart. But its just something anyone would say when they don't like the truth. I seen it with my own eyes, I heard it with my own ears and I intepretted it with my own wisdom. Thanks to that, I able to recognize what's wrong and what's right.

So, I have decided to trust my own instinct instead of what people said.

"Aku tak hidup kerana pujian, dan aku tak mati kerana kejian."

thats all...

Lucky man

I went out with An..~
I think she was marvelous. She's gorgeous in every way and she's very beautiful. Even though I talked very much but all that slipped from my tongue were just craps. I wanted to be serious next time. I want to say how much she means to me. I want her to know how much I love her. Its a promise..

I played futsal with my fren..~
I weared full attire to show my support. I never thought they would made a suprise party after that. Thats why I like them very much..Thanks my friends!!

on going~

My new haircut is the same as last time but just a bit shorter. After a month it'll grow up the way I wanted.


Relation on going!!!
I know even if I'm not that prepare but I want to give it a try - with all my heart!
I'm very happy right now!!!


"because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
over again, don't make me change my mind,
or I won't live to see another day, I swear its true,
because a girl like you is impossible to find,
you're impossible to find..."
- Secondhand Serenade


If you had any problem, try solved it together. Maybe something that you didn’t talk about is what really brings you down. It doesn’t hurt to say I’m sorry or please forgive me. In the end, its the most promising word that can cure everything.

Sometime rumours spread around, tearing apart loves and happiness. Your every action haunted you back and it stab right in your heart when the rumours get to you. Its tearing me deep inside and now I can’t even sleep knowing my love one hurts because of that rumours.

“I swear to clear the air as soon as possible. It hurts me to my deepest feeling.”

thats all....

I'm confused

Its just like what my friends said, "macam budak-budak la"..

I hope I'm right. Its difficult to make decision at this moment. I'm kindda confused...

thats all...

love song for no one

:: Don't ever underesimate the power of "I like that"...
:: Sometimes it is the most powerful word there is..

thats all...

a kid and an ice cream

Have you heard a story of little kid with an ice cream?
There's a kid with an ice cream. The kid wanted to show everyone that he had an ice cream and very proud of it. He waited for a right moment to taste it but he holds it for too long and it melts on his hand. The kid haven't taste it yet. In the end, he cried all by himself because he lost his ice cream and can never get it back.

Then came his mother and gave him another ice cream. This time the kid had learned from his mistake. He grabbed the ice cream and give it a lick. The taste that he felt in his mouth made him forget all the sadness that he had when he lost the first ice cream. After he finished the ice cream, he walks home with a smile on his face and in his mind he kept thinking how good the ice cream was.

:: I wonder if I ever learned from my mistake...

thats all...

A pencil

Once, there was a pencil made out of Cinnamon wood. It was fine carved by the most famous artist of that time. The pencil was known widely just after it was made.

Soon, everyone began to take interest for this pencil. People from all around the world came to see how magnificient this little pencil is. Everyone was marvelled by the beauty of it. The artist that made the pencil received offers from simple farmer until rich Land Lord to sold it over. But none of the offers interest him. He said to each person who seek to buy it, "This pencil has it own choice. It will choose its owner later."

The next day, the artist woke up in the morning and realized he had misplaced the pencil. He began the search. He looked for it under the mattress, he looked on the cupboard, and he even looked into his own bathroom but to no avail. Every part of his house had been looked into but nothing was found.

By noon, people start to come and ask about the pencil. The artist can't stop worrying if anyone might know what happened. At last, he said to the people, "I'm afraid the pencil had already chose its owner. I'm sure it have picked the right owner for everyone happiness. It has left us with many memory and amazement. So, I hope everyone will satisfied with its decision and respect its will."

People who heard the news sighed and left the house. Soon, the house empty as before and the artist sat on the chair wondering what could happen to the pencil. Days passed by and the whole world already forget about the pencil.

The pencil which once being crowned by everyone's heart now just nothing but a history that no one would remember. Only the artist sat in his old days grieving about the lost.

:: Its a story that I made just to make sure I still a modest and humble person. I can't wish anything more than what I have now. I love my family, my friends, my life, my love-one and my self...::

thats all..

counting days~3

I can't stand it anymore. Its too hard to keep.I kept saying her name every time I miss her..

counting days~4

Its what I decided even if its hurt the most...
I feel really weird right now..
I'm not myself anymore..

counting days~5

Damn! I feel really bad right now. I just don't know what to do...

thats all..

I need you

Baby, I'm sorry if I can't get to your expectations. But I tried my best to be the best man in your life. Just give me more time and I'll show you the person I can be.

Being a dentist

This morning my super senior flew home, taking with him the title "Doctor".I is so honourable and graceful. Last Sunday, we had a dinner with him. The whole batch join in and I feel really great to be able to celebrate it even though it was just a simple dinner..

Graduating from University is a very meaningful moment in one life. But that doesn't mean you already done with learning. Its just a big step into a working life.You will learn more about life and experience in a new situations that need your skills and judgement. Its a lot more difficult than you imagine as you have to be responsible for every work you that you've done.

Having a family add ups to your burden. But as you grow older and mature, these things that you learn in your life will make it all seems worth. I'm beginning to wonder how will I end up to be??

thats all..

Spell it out

I just realize sometimes I did worry about my future very much that I always put myself in someone elses shoes. What if I end up like them? What if the same things happened to me? What would I do then?

"The future is still unknown, the past had become history, but today are yours to decide.."

thats all..

Have you decide yet??

"There are two things that kept me hanging on- a kiss, and a hug."

If you've been told to choose between two cakes, one is your favourite flavour with beautiful decorations and another one just a plain cake – you have to eat both– which one you will eat first??
- I hadn't been able decide yet.

I wanted to save the best for the last. But I also want my favourite flavour in my mouth first.
Its like watching a movie that have a slow start but ends in a very mesmerized closure. But having a glorious start would certainly help even if the ending just an average closure. So what will it be??

thats all..

Its exactly the same

Sometimes we do the same mistake without aware of it. Its like hurting yourself on the same spot and of cause its hurt more. I can't think anything else right now except her. I had totally forgotten my past and its all thanks to her. Now I am fond to her so much that I want to share everything I feel and everything I have with her. I want her to know how much I beseech her. Its too early to say I love you or I want you but thats the truth. I can't hold it anymore. Even if everyone says I'm an idiot for doing such thing, I just don't care.

"Sorry for the things that I did not say, like how you are the best thing in my world and how I am proud to call you my girl."

thats all...

Had Enough??

Still missing old love??

Can't forget her??

Someone you seeing right now resemble her??

Share same dreams in life??

See her everyday keep you fall for her again??

Remember the sweet moments every night??

Keep listening to 'our' song??

See her name every where??

These questions have definite answer. – Yes – So, when will I ever moved on in relationship?
I just don't know yet.

Thats all..

So sick

I'm back in Medan already. But by the time I'm back here, I caught a cold. Exam is just tomorrow but I don't have energy to study till late night. I felt really weak right now. Oh God, please help me. I don't want to failed this examination.

So 'pening' and 'loya'...

thats all...

One big leap

Its not even a moment that I don't think about her. I tried to get her off my mind. But it just not working. And because of that I'm going nut right now.

"I will not die, I'll wait here for you. I feel alive, when your beside me."

thats all..

One step at a time

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not. Sometimes I get so excited and got carried away. Maybe I'm moving too fast that she doesn't prepare to face it yet. Maybe I have to back off for awhile. Give her some space to breath and to think it over.

As for now, I should concentrate more on my coming exam. So much to read and so much to remember. I just hope everything will go well after this

I’m trying

I am already here in my hometown. Just as planned, I stayed with her at LCCT until morning. It was the best moment ever in my life. We spend time together all night going here and there and then back again just to kill time. Being with her until morning just won't do. I really hope we can spend more time together. Parting time sure is hard. I don't know if I ever have chance like this ever again.

Days passed by and I'm beginning to fall for her more and more. I said that this time I won't put everything on the line, but the truth is I'd already do that. Now I felt like every day I want to see her, hear her voice, talk to her. I madly in love with her and this is what I afraid the most. Once I fall in love, in my eyes, everything in the world is nothing more important than she is.

I hate this feeling so much but I also want this so much. As long as no one else gets her I don't really worry if it takes more than forever to be with her.

thats all..

I didn’t know it

Sometimes I got carried away so easily. I wanted to hide something and only show something but in the end everything just revealed itself. I'm so embarrassed right now. I should not have put that picture there in the first place. Everything is a mess now...

"Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care..."

thats all...

My paper heart

I'm doing just fine with everything for sometimes. Most of my time still passed by with me doing nothing. I sleep a lot and dream a lot.
I'm thinking about having my hair cut before I go home for Raya.

It looks like everyone beginning to notice about my new 'someone'. I only had a picture of her - taken unnoticed - and that is the only picture of her I ever have since I knew her. I want to know everything about her. Her family, friends, favourite foods, favourite music, and most important is her heart.

Please give me more time to be with know love her...

thats all...

Its already decided

"Its not hard making a decision, its painful.."

But this time, its nothing near pain or grieve. Its full of joy and passionate. Now, its up to me to make myself better and useful.
Maybe I'll be spending less time with my friends from now on. So busy I guess.LOL!

thats all..

Too early too soon

I've been wondering if I'm moving too fast in this relation. We just get to know each other for about 2 weeks now but it seems to me that cupid's arrows had been shot too early. I'm not very sure of it until now.

"Prophecy: Prince Ashitaka, show everyone your right arm..My prince, are you ready to learn what fate the stone has foretold you?

Prince: Yes, I was prepared the very moment that I let my arrow fly." -Princess Mononoke

Since I'm not putting everything on the line this time, I guess the only thing I can do is back off for awhile. We should really take it slow a bit.

thats all..


"it's not over tonight,
just give me one more chance to make it right,
I mean I'll make it through the night,
I won't go home without you."

Can't wait until that day come.
just hoping that my parent will nod for this.

Thats all..

I’m heading back

The next day, I try to do my assignment that had been delayed about a week, but to no avail. Maybe my mind did not set up straight yet.

I'm still working out to manage my schedule and my time. So much scrapping off for today I think. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever start a family how bad it will be with my life still a mess. I should start making myself better or it will never be.

Thats all...

i'm back for more one more time

No friendster.
No 'partner'.
No messenger.
No bad thing.
No 'date'.

Oh my, what will I ever say for these 'no's. I don't know.

Yes single.
Yes lonely.
Yes 'don't care'.
Yes hanging out.
Yes 'whatever'

These are my 'yes's. I don't mind.

thats all...


There is nothing in this world that could have been better than having no assignment at all. I really wish we didn't have to do any of it because it really tighten our schedule each coming day. But to give it up means there is no marks for you.

"Ass" as in 'asshole' doesn't match with 'assignment'. Neither do 'asset' , 'assault' , 'assist' nor 'assumption'. Because assignment is not really an ass, though sometimes it sucks.

Seriously its not working out for me right now. I need to concentrate more on the works than scrapping off every minutes. I need to study hard...I mean really hard!!

There are so much to read yet I don't know where to start. Maybe I should take a rest for now. LOL.

thats all..

hiking the hill

"Breadtalk is a breadshop"

I would go anywhere if she want to..

"Muffin, Blueberry Bun,cheese cake etc is so delicious"

I would buy everything if she want to...

thats all...

Fasting is loving

Light of happiness seems to be upon me. I'd take it slowly this time but still I put all I got on the line.

Fasting month seems to me like a month of love. I've known someone before this and got hooked up really bad in this time of year. And now here I am again chasing someone else like I did last time. The difference is just this time I've prepare for whats coming.

I don't know what should I do with the web anymore. Seems like my time of creativity and critist has lost and no where to be found. I need more inspiration and fresh ideas.
Where could I get one?

I don't know.

thats all..

Its moving

They say a thousand steps start with a first step.

I'd called her but didn't know what to talk about...
Out of idea as always...

But i kinda know what type of girl she is..or I hope I'm right..
I don't want her to be like she - someone from my past - ...

I don't want to be haunt by anything from the past. What have been left behind stays behind...

thats all...

she knocks the door

Its so unbelievable and unpredictable. I almost drown because of the emotional pressure all around me. My heart just can't figure out what it is yet.

"Kau hadir tika ku duka,
dalam cahaya dikau menjelma,
kau hilang dalam gembira,
membuatkan ku terluka..."
- Jinbara (Farhana)

Is this the time for a new beginning? Or is this just another game of tag?

Will it end like last one? Or will it stays forever?

No one knows.

thats all..

the world is crashing down

How is the politic nowadays? Still the same I say. One person says bad about others and then his opposition talk about his bad things back. Its all about getting the position for highest rank.

Too much talk about politics and you'll forget about other important things -muchmoreimportannt! - that have been a major problem for our country. Raise in fuel price, poverty and jobless citizens, education standards, unpermitted foreign workers, electricity waste, child abuse, moral issues, crimes every where and so much more. They will know how hard it is to write it down if they really care about this country.

Talking about sodomy, murder, bribes....its all bullshiters that done that. They all just pretend to show angelpetitgoodkindcaringconcern face anywhere they go. Just get them to jail and get it quick. I'm tired of all these nonsense about politics today.

Aren't there anyone more cleaner to run our country??

thats all...

so busy i guess

Are there any people out there who done nothing but sleeping and eating?

I just wish I can be like them...

When we talk about busy, I mean really really busy, I never imagined I am part of it. Though its tiring but its only for my education. If its about co-edu, I didn't have to hesitate to put it aside for awhile.

There also people with some talent but they misused it for their own goods. I hate this kind of people. Using one's weakness to gain profit for their own.

"Don't be too close to him. He might harm you spritually(using magic I guess) and then all you can say is, yes of course, this is one million you asked for. I'd fall for it once, I just hope you didn't be the same as me. Just know when to back off and stay away."
- Nina, concern friends....

I know there are people like this, but I never thought i'd met them and have to work with them. I really hope God will help me before he done anything to me..

thats all..

before its too late

I had tried fasting a day and two. its still a bit hard at first. but i hope that its get better in time. Fasting month just a couple month from now. If i'm not really get used to it, i think its gonna be really difficult later on.
I am really satisfied with my new bike. It turned up to be quite amazing how i got it in first place. but now I am happy with the decision i made though i know it was a guidance from Above. Every morning i would clean it with a wet towel -like bathing a baby- and rub away dust and dirt. so far i only washed it once and its all because it gets dirty from the rain.
i'm not much a talking guy right now. i don't know whats in my mind. Please have some chat ubai. You're making your friends wondering.Its like you had some really big problems. just hoping that i can get more lively than before.
thats all...

Stuck with the wind

Today is the first day of classes for this semester. I woke up early but i still feel so sleepy. not much happen in campus. just meeting old friends and having chats. then we had dinner together at pizza hut.
i bought a new bike - Bajaj- a blue bike. it looks nice and comfortable. it so fuel-saving that i almost wasting most of my time on it travelling around from places to another. the price also reasonable for me. i hope i can take care of it until i graduate.
I still got works not done from this web. so much to do and so much demand. sometime i got scraped off from it.
thats all...

front line,soldier!

its almost 2 month since i was home. Next few days i'll be back in Medan to continue my course. Classes are not going to start just yet. but I have to head back early to register for a new semester. I've planned to buy a new bike -motosikal- and as soon as I've done with registeration I hope my new bike is already there in my garage. I'm not sure which bike I should buy. I had some picture in my head but the prices still unknown to me. For a safer way, i'll pick a less fuel-burn type bike just suiting my needs. Sometimes I even think about having a scooter. You don't need to change gear or anything. Just press on the accelerator and there you go. Moving smooth but soundly. I hope i'll pick a right one this time.

Thats all..

war ahead

Times flew like winds. its like just yesterday I arrived home and only a week from now i will depart back to Medan. My last test result were really dissapointing. I can't even get an A for any subject. I knew it will be like that. Even if I try hard to the very end, its just won't do enough.

actually my mind not really into writing this.LOL. I'm watching Incredible hulk right now. so much work but yet so much scrapping off. *sigh*.well, I'm almost finish with the web. I should upload it by tomorrow and hope it will be ok.

thats all..

Give me more work

I hadn't had enough sleep lately. I had to finish this web A.S.A.P. though its really tiring. sometimes i asked myself again, why in the world did I accept this kind of job?. Its not like I'm not happy with it, maybe i'm kinda stress with all the work that need to be done sooner. I really am puting all I got into this web. I work from a scratch and made a web. then something just didn't went right. so I start from a scratch again. This happened so many times. I can't even recalled how many times did I repeated this steps again and again. I wanted to show everyone the best I could give them. Its not merely a job for scraping off or even just for fun. I did it to improve myself. I had this boundaries that I know I could surpassed it. It just take a lot of works and intention. Its just then you'll know how big is this world.

Lately, i'm working on Macromedia Flash and Dreamweaver. So much to explore yet too shorts in time. Seems like the clock spins faster each day. Not a second to waste.

Thats all..

Pisang River expedition

i got early in the morning coz today i have to meet my frenz in front of International Islamic University. I went there in tren and cab. its some kind of expedition coz we all had to travel about 1 km before we reach the picnic place. we even walked beside highway road. but all effort did pay when we reach there. its so amazing and refreshing. First thing first. so we lit up the charcoal and prepared the barbaque place and so on. when its all set its time to do some splash!! wuho0!!

after all the travelling and swimming,i felt really exhausted. i got home at 8 o'clock nite time. being there quite entertain me. i felt like going there some other time now.=)

thats all..

home sweet home

so great to be here at last. i'd experienced a journey on a ferry with pijan and hidir. its kinda fun to hang on upper deck with wind blowing your hair and sweeping your sweats. it thrilled me to nerves. but for sure, i got home safe and sound. i even get a free ride from a very good lorry driver coz i got stuck in other place. in the end everything went fine. thank God for everything.
i'm not doing much through day though i want to do more. i'm exhausted from a long trip home. i guess scrap by now wouldn't hurt. i should get a very good sleep. its really tiring. even now.
my dad ask me to went out '40 hari' but i got a lot to do in mind. so maybe i just stick with 20 days instead. i'm not quite sure if i really wanna do this. but i have to confide myself to it. theres no other way better than doing this. i'll surely doing it until my heart accept it as it is.
thats all..


three days after final exam and i still here in Medan. actually its quite fun and enjoying coz i have my friends here to do things together. i'm going home by ferry tomorrow morning. its my first time riding it so i'm kinda nervous. i hope everything gonna be well.
some of the exam result had come out and its not as good as you always wanted. so far i got B+, B, C and D. so far its came out right. i'm not really putting my faith in these papers. i know i'm not doing very well. but still if some miracle happened i really glad. for now i just accept what ever result came to me.
i don't know if i'd changed a lot from when i first came here. somebody told me i am different. in what way i still don't know. i hope i'm changed for the better not for worse.
thats all..


its exam week already and i didn't feel a damn about it. I don't know why I didn't feel like having exam though it is final sem exam. This exam thing just didn't really matter for me anymore. Maybe I wanted so much to go home that make it less important. But still I studied hard at night and revised it at an hour or two before the test starts.
I wanted to sell my bike so that I can buy a new one that fit my needs. I had spent more money on fuel than usual riders. Thats why I need a new spend-less-money-on-fuel-bike. I still don't know what to bring home this time. Should I bring usual stuff or should I bring smothing different. We'll see...
thats all...

Brastagi trip

its fun and enjoying for me last weekend. Me and my friends went to high ground to take some fresh air. its so refreshing and exciting. We went there by bikes and a mobile. The road just fine when we started our journey. By the end of town, the road got worsen. We set out by night and hoping to arrived by dusk. Too much to wrote here actually but I just don't have much time nowadays.

Something bad did happened on our way home. its raining that morning when we rode down hill though its not heavy but still it wets the road. I had to slow down and got left behind occasionally. I tried speed up for sometimes but it end ups to be a really bad idea. There in front of me, a car suddenly made emergency brake on one of sloppy corners. I rammed the brake as hard as I could but my tire just loss its grip and it slides up screeching terrible noise. I had no other options but to bend left to softer ground hoping my bike would land on the grass. But I miscaculated it and instead I land on hard and wet road. The impact leds a terrible loud bang. Thank god I managed to slow down the impact and only had some minor bruise on my knee. After the fall, I looked to myself and my bike. I don't have nerve to ride it at that moment but I had to get hold of myself. I really don't want anyone worrying so much about me. This is my first incident since I learn to drive vehicles.

Thats all..


its hard when it come to exam week..i got less sleep, less food, less money and less time to shove things off. but its all over now. exam week has pass and i don't even remember what i wrote on those papers..HAHAHA..but still its a long way before i graduate from this university. many thing can happen then,and sometimes the thing that happened are least expected.

sometimes i miss my family so much that i cried in my bed. its been too long since i departed from Motherland. its gonna be another 2 or 3 month till i get to be with them again...miss them so much..

thats all..

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exam mode

nothing much done lately..just found a few nice website where i can read comics n stuff...really like it a lot.

its exam mode!! i'm pretty damn well bout last 3 papers...i just confident enough with my answer but not all answers might be right...but its not over yet..
time to get serious!!

thats all..

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ayat-ayat cinta

Actually i'm not really into love story, but this movie had touch me deep inside my heart. The plot were really amazing with real life conflict that touch everyone's heart. I like this movie very much. Even when its only six of us watching it, we really enjoyed ourselves.
The story start with the main character, Fahrir, study abroad in Mesir and had many girls fall for his kind manners and honesty. Maria, his neighbour, fall in love with him even though she is Kristen and he is Muslim. Fahrir had made Maria to learn more about Islam. Somehow, Aisya, who met Fahrir in metro by accident, starting to like Fahrir because of his honesty and good example of true Muslim. They both got engaged and married eventually while Maria was away to visit her grandparent. Their marriage had made some girls broke apart. Norul is one of the girl that had a crush on Fahrir but never get to be loved in return. Nurul, who has been saved from Fahdur, antagonist, was afraid to tell she had been raped by Fahdur. Fahrir had been accused of raping Nurul and make the story more suspense and complex. The only key to save Fahrir is Maria, but she got unconscious and the only way to wake her up is having Fahrir meet her. In the middle of the conflict, Aisya heartily gave  her permission for Fahrir to marry Maria in order to save the situation. After the conflict ends, Maria moved in with Aisya and Fahrir. This only lead into competition to get Fahrir love and attention. Jealousy and sadness start to show on each part of this story. When everything seems to be fine, Maria got sick and passed away while having her first and last time praying together with Aisya and Fahrir. The end of this movie shows Aisya and Fahrir walk together hand-in-hand on sandy desert with happiness showering around their life. -------

thats all

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broken english,dude

as i read my blog lately, i noticed some words just not fit the parts
and things that i wanna talk about. i'm starting to loose my english and
i feel irritated. i need a novel or some magz to improve my english
back. its hard to find any here(indon). but still i have to find a way
before its getting worse.

thats all..

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broken english..dude

as i read my blog lately, i noticed some words just not fit the parts
and things that i wanna talk about. i'm starting to loose my english and
i feel irritated. i need a novel or some magz to improve my english
back. its hard to find any here(indon). but still i have to find a way
before its getting worse.

thats all..

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i get it

last sunday was great. i have dinner with all chinese friends celebrating CNY
 and its feel good. i got to see girl with mini-skirt and sexy wear and hang around
them. i took a lot of picture with them. not to mention i got chance
wrapping my hand around their hips while our photo taken.

last night i watched Jumper at cinema with my friend. there i met with
this girl. i'd met her before but just dont have chance to speak with
her. well, she quite alright for me and we did get along pretty well until
now. i just hope i can see more of her. its fun to have her around. i
really feel like i'd found someone really that really fits me.

to be honest, i never thought that i really wanna see that movie.
but seeing her face and her first impression really get me in the mood.
maybe something interesting will happened next time we meet. i do
hope so..

thats all...

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got horny..

its been sometimes since i wrote to this page. i remember one time when i was with my friends, eating pizza, i said to myself that i will never ever again fall in love with any girls. but now i know that its getting worst than i could take. sometimes i fell really horny and cant control myself. i cant sleep and hardly stay calm. maybe its my hormons that make me like this. i'm getting over it quickly.
i had my hair straighten and it feels ackward for awhile.
thats all...

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much of my time

i have been busy with my laptop lately. internet
should be use for study and search for information. i
got lot of assigment and hate them a
presentation just 3 days ahead. i'm not well-prepared
yet.i hope i can manage my time well. i feel like i've
lose my words in english and my vocab seems i
getting dumber? oh, i dont know...

i cant remember when the last time i speak english so
well. its hardly for me now as lot of my time just
chatting using malay and indon. is there anybody who
can help me?

arghh!! i better stop now before i feel more terrible
than this..

thats all.

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register n register

I got very busy this week. First day to arrive in Medan sure got me tired.I got here on wednesday and at the same day i register for 4th sem here in USU. but i got stuck on some problem and i had to wait till next monday to settle it. when everything done, what i did is just sit home watching tv. nothing interesting me lately..i got tired of girls and damn if i falls for one again. it seems like everyone just happy the way they are. so i have to be one...happy with this life.
i thinking about having a new bike as mine now burns fuel like drinking from glass. i got to spend extra from my budget. but as my family just moving into a new house i thought it will be another two or three month before i can get a new bike. maybe i should wait for allowance from JPA will be much easier to pay at full price using that money and it won't burden my parent...
when i went back to Malaysia, i got click again with Sob.she'd been very supportive and really good friend. we went out together on New year nite but we don't celebrate it. she need to be in her campus before twelve. but still it leaves me a good time to remember on and on. i hope we can still do that everytime i went back. now we have to be part for a moment and only frenster is the place for us to change stories and thought...
every night i had this hard-to-sleep-got-thinking-over-someone disease. it would take over an hour to two until i can sleep...i really hate this 'thing'...hopefully it'll pass away soon..
thats all...

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i am one damn stupid guy

i don't know what else i can say...i'm so down and
sad...its all just too clear...she is not MINE!! she
can never be mine!!why can't i accept that?! i'm so
stupid to think that she too had feeling for
me...shame on me. For all feels that i had her,for all
love that i cherished alone,for all dreams that faded
by time....i am a total LOSER!!! i am one damn stupid

i'd act like fools for a long time to realise it just pathethic!!

from now on i decided to end all this foolishness. she
will never be in my diary of life again!!

thats all..

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miss her very much

every night before i sleep i would think about her even if i don't want to. then slowly all the memory about her will appear and shown in front of me like movie. it takes an hour before i was back on my feet again. i try to forget her even for a moment but lately its been harder and i can't bear it any longer.every night i feel like shouting out to her though i know she will never hear me.
thats all..

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